Just a Little Something Extra.....

You can follow some of my shenanigans at twitter.com/foshead.

October 21, 2011

Sugar and Spice and Everything....Nasty?

What’s going on blog world?  Glad to be back in the fold and giving you a glimpse into my parenting life.  Man, it’s a trip as I am sure some of you can agree with.
Okay y’all, I need some help with this one.  This is a subject that is a trip and there isn’t really an easy answer, fix, or whatever it is you want to call it.  The last time I checked, I had a daughter, a girl, full of sugar and spice and everything nice.  That’s what it is supposed to be right?
Well, why is it that my daughter is just plain nasty as hell!  I don’t mean kind of nasty or a little nasty but nasty as hell.  I have to look at her from time to time and shake my damn head.  Yep, it’s that bad! 

Please keep in mind that we have had countless conversations about hygiene and cleanliness.  We've talked about taking care of little girl's "areas".  We've discussed the fact that because she's a little bigger than other girls she'll have to work a little harder and do more.  Does she listen, hell naw!  Just nasty!  I'm trying y'all, I promise.
Hmmmm…..let’s see.  This little girl came home from her Granny’s last Sunday AND DIDN’T BRUSH HER DAMN TEETH UNTIL THURSDAY!  Where they do that at?  She came home and I peeped on Monday that there wasn’t a toothbrush in the holder but I didn’t say anything.  Looked Tuesday, saw the same thing. Wednesday and then Thursday and I just couldn’t do it anymore.  Sooooooo, you just want to walk around for a week with yuck mouth?  Who does that? A week!  To add more fuel to the fire, she wasn’t going to say anything about it!  Who knows how long she would’ve walked around with doo doo tooth!  Man, get of my damn phone with that!
Grossed out yet, wait!  What woman,  girl, lady, etc. takes a 4 minute and 13 second bath/shower?  Unless you  are just trying to tighten it up and take a ho-bath, there is no damn reason for a young woman to take a 4 minute and 13 second shower. (yes, I timed it) Ninja please!
True story y’all.  When my daughter was 2 or 3 years old I used to call her Tuna.  Don’t really know why or how it came about but she was my little Tuna. (I even have a regrettable tattoo of Charlie the Tuna on my chest, don’t judge me) Women rang down from the mountain tops not to call her Tuna.  I was told that you can’t call a girl tuna for obvious reasons. I agreed.  Well…….now the damn name fits!  I hate doing it but as a father I have to whenever it happens.  It’s only right.  I have to tell my daughter “you’re a** is fresh and you need to go and take care of that!”  (I don’t do it in front of people or embarrass her and no, it isn’t an everyday thing.  However….) When I stink, I smell myself and  I want to go and fix the problem.  This fool acts oblivious to it and looks at me stupid like something is wrong with me and my nose.  Really?  That’s what 4 minute baths do for you……
Feet, a**, breath, under arms, head, every damn thing stinks man!  Oh, did I forget to mention, her room looks like a 3rd world country and smells like sweaty alligator back!  I have to go in there once a week and throw stuff away, move stuff around, tear stuff up, etc. and somehow it always ends up junky again.  WTH?  I know hell well it’s not me.  I have a small case of OCD and clutter, dirt, mess makes my skin crawl.  I’m notorious for just throwing stuff away.  Put it up or lose it!  I have to shut her door and act like that part of the house doesn’t exist.  Man, she gets on my damn nerves!

If I had a little boy y’all, I might not even trip.  I remember being that little dude.  I remember not wanting to bathe or clean up.  In a roundabout way, it’s expected from boys.  We’re just nasty.  Hell, some of us are nasty a** grown men. 
Look, at 11 years old I shouldn’t have to remind you to put on powder, deodorant, or brush your teeth. I shouldn’t have to tell you to take a bath AFTER YOU’VE BEEN OUTSIDE PLAYING SOFTBALL FOR THE PAST HOUR!  I shouldn’t have to remind you to take your Claritin.  Hell, I don’t want to hear you snorting, sneezing, clearing your throat and sniffing for the 30 minutes we drive to school.  Sound like a grizzly bear!  Ride in the damn trunk!
I’m done.  I don’t know, maybe hygiene will evolve over time.  Maybe she’ll just grow up and be nasty as hell.  Maybe she'll see the light and become Molly damn Maid.  Maybe I’ll make her musty a** sleep outside, who knows!
In this instance, I don’t want to be like Cliff Huxtable, Theo’s room was atrocious but lil mama’s ain’t too far off.  Just sayin…..

October 8, 2011

Really? I'm Just Sayin.....

What’s up blog world?  I know it’s been a while but so much has been going on that I haven’t had time to holla at y’all.  Well, I guess I need to make time.  Trust me, it isn’t from a lack of material.  There’s PLENTY of that to be had!
Today’s message is a PSA (Public Service Announcement)…..you can’t have the baby without the baby mama!  It isn’t much of an announcement but more of a declaration.  I’ve preached and preached about this broad over and over but it’s a subject that’ll never get old.  My baby mama ain’t *ish!  Am I a saint, of course not but I take care of mine.  Always have, always will.
Today I’m brewing over the fact that I can’t get any help from this woman.  NONE!  For the record, I don’t need it but it’s the damn principle.  All I ask of this woman is $50 per month and I can’t get that.  Not per week or every other week, PER MONTH!  Yep, you read it right, $50 damn dollars.  Lil mama will by pads, smell goods, and hair products and she’ll be broke but it’s something.  All I’m complaining about is effort, show some good faith. Oh, here’s the kicker y’all, she’s pregnant again!  Really? (Hell naw it ain’t mine!)
I could go on and on about this broad but it won’t change.  To date, she owes me $673.45.  Right now, all I want is $50!  When I was paying child support and her money wasn’t on time, she would be calling me at my job asking me to call payroll to see what was up.  I can’t get $50 damn dollars.  Before you ask and if you’re wondering, HELL YEAH I would have her a** thrown in jail for being behind on child support!  It ain’t fair and it ain’t right.  She gets her hair braided every 2 to 3 weeks.  She eats good.  She has furnished her NEW apartment.  She bought her son an X Box for his birthday but I can’t get $50. Ninja please!  I can’t say it enough, $50.00!!!!!!!!!
I had to buy all of her school supplies, school shoes, uniforms, etc and this heffa can’t give me $50 to help with that.  She could’ve bought school supplies and I would’ve been happy.  That wasn’t even $50.00! Nothing from her at all.  Her son, yeah, he ain’t mine but I went out of my way to buy him something for his birthday, I always do.  I don’t do the kids like that. Again, he ain’t even mine but you won’t do for yours?  Really?  Notice, I didn’t say CAN’T, I said WON’T!
Lil mama doesn’t go without and I know that’s why this broad doesn’t do anything; she knows that I will.  It’s just a little frustrating y’all, that’s all.  I didn’t, wouldn’t, and couldn’t do her like that when the shoe was on the other foot, that’s my daughter.  This broad though, I don’t get it, I don’t get it at all.
$50.00 fool!  $50.00 damn dollars! Per month!  You hit me up for $600 per month when I was paying but I can’t get $50? I can’t even get an IOU or a post dated check, nothing!  You just flat out say “Ninja, I ain’t paying you *ish”!  Man……
If they ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ask me about pressing charges or whatever it is they do for child support evaders, she better get used to wearing orange. (I’m just sayin)
And before you say, “what about your daughter, you can’t do that to her”, ninja please!  We’ll bring Hand Sanitizer and Handy Wipes to wipe the plexi-glass and nasty phones in the visitation booths!
Cliff Huxtable married his baby mama so this scenario doesn’t even apply…….