Just a Little Something Extra.....

You can follow some of my shenanigans at twitter.com/foshead.

June 8, 2012

Just Saying What Some Of Us Want To

PSA for parents…….
Parents out there, I want to share something with you.  You should actually already know it but if you don’t, I’m going to help you figure it out. 
Your kid isn’t that awesome!
There, I said it.  Take a few moments to let it sink in so you can fully understand what it is I’m saying.  Again, your kid isn’t that awesome.  I say that to let you know that the rest of the world doesn’t want to come watch your child at any of his/her events.  We don’t want to come hear your 5 year old kid sing at church.  We don’t want to come watch 6 year old Anthony play basketball.  We’re tired of watching the twins play soccer.  People, it isn’t fun.  Let’s break it down:

1.       Just because your kid is singing at church doesn’t automatically make them a song bird.  Jesus knows they can’t sing, you should accept it too.
2.       Little kids can’t play basketball.  It’s no fun to watch.  I don’t want to see a bunch of kids running with the ball, crying, and stealing it from their own teammates.  It is no damn fun to watch a basketball game for 30 minutes and the final score is 10 to 6.  That *ish IS NOT FUN!
3.       Just like basketball, watching little kids play soccer is painful.  Put a bullet in the back of my head next damn time.  All the kids do is huddle around the damn ball and all try to kick it at the same time and someone always gets hurt
Parents, it’s alright to admit that your child doesn’t have any talent.  It doesn’t mean that they never will, it just means that they suck right now.  If you invite me to your kid’s basketball game when he’s in 9th grade, I’ll probably show up.  But, please, don’t invite me to see lil’ man play before he can even tie his damn shoes. (Nothing worse than the coach calling time out to tie shoes, that is some bulls**t)
Some have called me a mean parent but I just try and keep it real with mine.  Case in point, my lil mama has expressed some interest in singing and I try to be open to her endeavors.  However, that little girl can’t sing.  I mean, she isn’t like a dying cat bad but she isn’t any good either.  I try and support her in what she does but my love can only go so damn far.  I tell her things like, “you can carry a note” but I would be wrong to tell her she was awesome, right?  I can’t even do her like that. She told me that she was going to sing a solo at school in the program and I was like “oh…….”.  I’m just sayin.
Athletics.  Well, if you’ve followed my blog then you know that my kid isn’t the second coming of Marion Jones.  She’s more along the lines of Marion Berry, I’m just sayin’.  I am proud of the small things she did while playing softball but I was never blinded by the idea that she was a stellar athlete.  I was happy when she hit the ball or made a good throw.  Funny thing is, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN YOU PLAY SOFTBALL!  So, I’m getting all excited for routine stuff.  Parents looking at me because I’m happy she put her glove on the right way. Geez……
I say all of that to reiterate to you guys, your kid isn’t special.  Stop it.  Maybe one day he/she will grow up to be the next LeBron James or Candice Parker, but now, they SUCK!  Just accept it.  Help them excel in school.  But, if your kid is not athletic, can’t sing/dance, and is dumb as a rock, I don’t know what to tell you. 
Hey, Cliff told Theo some of these same things so I guess I am doing what Cliff Huxtable would do.

1 comment:

The Jaded NYer said...

Talentless kids and their stage moms are the BANE of my existence...